Last week I had the fun of attending my youngest grandson’s first birthday party. (The child pictured is not Ethan). First birthdays and first cakes may be one of the few times moms and dads hope for a big mess. We put that cake in front of their little fists and wait for total destruction to ensue.

But later in the day when the toys are scattered from one end of the home to the other, and parents are fighting a losing battle against chaos, it’s not so easy to embrace the mess.

My mom told me that when I was a baby I couldn’t stand to have any food on my face. I wanted it wiped off right away. That probably tells a lot about my personality. I loved fairy tales where characters polished the pots and pans until they “shone like diamonds” and loved stories with nice, neat “happily ever after” endings. I like when all the toys are lined up on shelves. When all the pieces of the puzzle are carefully fit in the correct places. But that’s not the way life really is. In reality it’s a big mess. Not much shines and sparkles in antiseptic purity and not much stays perfectly tidy.

And that’s okay. If the toys are all lined up on the shelf, they’re not being used. Nothing is created or explored. When the house is sparkling clean, let’s get real–it can only last a few seconds anyway, until we start living in that space and the “perfection” is gone.

The goal in life isn’t pristine perfection, it’s much more. We want our children to touch, explore, experience and interact with their environments and often that is messy. I know we have to find a balance between order and chaos, but kids need the freedom to live in their world and actually play with toys and turn their homes into places that are well-used.

So, parents of babies, toddlers and older kids, take heart. Yes, your home may be messy most of the time. But good for you–your kids are enjoying the freedom to play and learn and explore their world. Now, just give a little direction to that creative energy and enjoy all the art, drama, engineering, scientific investigation and all the other learning that takes place in your happy home.